Have You Seen My Love?
by pokeitlikejello
Summary: Addek. Angst, drama, angst. A little bit of insight into their marriage as it was crumbling around them. Oneshot.


**Some good ol' Derek/Addison around-the-time-when-the-marriage-was-about-to-get-into-Addison-cheats angst. You know you all love it. So, I don't own Grey's and I don't own the song "Have You Seen My Love?" by the Barenaked Ladies. And it's a oneshot. Enjoy the angst!**

* * *

Have you seen my love?  
Have you seen my love?  
Have you seen my little girl?  
Oh, have you seen my love?

* * *

"Yes, of course I get it, Derek!" Addison moved across the bedroom and around the bed. She faced him, her robe flying open, revealing her pajamas. "This seems very hard for _you_ to understand, however."

Derek ran a tired hand through his hair. "Addison, I'm trying to get down on your level and-"

"Down on my level?" she repeated, her voice rising. "Are you so complicated that you have to _stoop down_ to talk to me? Is that what the problem is, Derek? Is that why there's so much miscommunication?"

"I didn't mean it like that." He attempted to calm her, but he knew it was fruitless.

"Of course you didn't!" She threw her arms up in air. "You never mean it. And I'm sorry you have to dumb everything down for me, Derek."

"Addison-" He moved towards her.

She held up a hand. "No."

With that, she left the bedroom and he stood defeated.

**All that I want is to be your friend,  
Cause you're the only friend I've ever known**

Derek made his way quietly down the stairs. He was certain if she sensed him coming, she would scurry away. Or yell at him to leave her alone. He didn't want that.

She was sitting on the couch, face in her hands, in the darkened living room. He approached calmly, a hand placed out cautiously as if he expected her to bolt. Although, the thing he feared the most was the possibility that she would ignore him. That was worse than her leaving.

"Hey." His voice was soft.

She visibly tensed. He wished that would stop happening whenever he spoke to her.

"What damage do you want to do now?" She sniffed from behind her palms. "You've already insulted my intelligence, made me feel like shit-"

"Can we leave that conversation, Addie?" He stood alongside of her, but didn't dare to move any closer.

She looked up at him, tear streaks down her face. "What do you want to talk about? The fact that we've seen each other less than forty hours this a week, including the few hours we happened to spend sleeping in the same bed?"

Derek moved to the other side of Addison. He sat down on the couch and took her hand within his two very warm hands. She stared at him.

"Is that suppose to comfort me?" she asked.

"Yes," he whispered.

**All I need is our love  
We agreed that the two of us wouldn't be alone**

"Please, Addison, let me back in," he begged, his eyes never leaving hers.

"I let you in every damn day, Derek." She was still reasonably bitter. "You were the one that never came in close enough."

He leaned in, wanting that closeness she spoke of. He reached a hand up and placed it on her silken hair. She softened just a touch. He brought his forehead to hers.

"I don't want this to be over, Addison," he told her, closing his eyes.

She shut her eyes as well, allowing herself to wander back into a time when this felt natural. "Derek... this isn't-"

"You understand me," Derek cut her off. He didn't want to hear the truth. Not yet.

"I used to."

She stood, pulling herself away from him. He felt cold.

**In these faded old photographs, you can see how we smiled  
I became a man in your arms, now I'm helpless as a child**

Standing, he crossed to her as she picked at a small nick in the paint on the wall. He stood alongside of her, his eyes never leaving her face. She wouldn't take her eyes off the nick.

"Don't you remember what we had?" Derek asked. "We can go back to that."

"You can't return to the past, Derek." Addison's voice had hardened.

He wanted her attention, but she still wouldn't give it to him. He raised his voice slightly. "Addison, this is our life. We can't just throw our life away."

"This isn't a life." She was determined to keep her eyes focused on that infraction. "Well, it is a life. Not one that works very well. Not anymore."

He reached out and took her chin in his hand. Forcefully, he turned her head to the picture hanging on the wall. It was of their wedding day. The bride and the groom.

"What happened to them?" he asked her desperately. "What happened to _that_ Addison and Derek?"

She pulled away from him, but didn't leave the room. She stared at him with eyes so cold, he felt goose bumps rise on his arms.

**There is a dream that we both used to share  
And we swore we would never wake**

She turned from him, her back to him. She was tense again and her head was bent in sadness. Maybe even loneliness. It was always lonelier when he was right there next to her and still didn't get it.

He waited a few minutes before reaching out and placing a hand on her shoulder. She tensed even more, which wrenched his heart.

"We can't keep doing this," she spoke low and tears fell from her eyes. "We can't keep pretending that this marriage is still working."

"It used to work," he replied. "What changed?"

She turned, causing his hand to drop from her shoulder. Her eyes were still cold. "We did."

**Now the dream's a nightmare  
And the truth to be fair is that dreaming was the first mistake**

"We made this life too great too fast," Addison continued on. "We were Addison and Derek, a fairy tale force against the world. We aren't superheroes. We aren't a fairy tale. We can't stand up to reality like we always thought we could."

He didn't realize there were tears in his eyes. His voice was quiet. "That's not true."

Seeing him so broken caused quick tears to fall down her face. "It is."

"Addison-" He reached out to her.

She stepped back. "I'm going to bed."

**Though we share the same memories, and I swear that's her face  
Did you bury the woman I love, and fall asleep in her space?**

She moved around him and went upstairs noiselessly. He remained alone for quite some time before he made his way upstairs as well.

The bedroom was dark when he entered it. As his eyes adjusted to the new setting, he climbed into bed next to his wife. He leaned over her, noting the details of her face. Her mouth was slightly open. She was asleep.

Sometimes, she would pretend to be asleep. He always knew she wasn't because when she was faking, her mouth would always be closed. She never realized that she slept with her mouth open and he wasn't going to tell her. He liked being able to tell the difference.

Derek leaned back into his pillow and let out a sigh. He couldn't quite understand how Addison had become so defeated. He could have sworn they were both in this together. As friends, as lovers, as man and wife. Clearly, he was wrong.

As he listened to her quiet breathing, he was sure that something was wrong. He wondered if she was now tense in her sleep as well. Sitting up, he looked back over at his wife. He looked over each part of her once more before settling back down. He knew she was Addison, but he also knew there was something different. Although, he wasn't sure if she was different... or he was.

* * *

**Fin.**


End file.
